In A Nutshell

LISTENING TO: Little Brother - Beautiful Morning

Downtown San Jose, at my apartment, in my room

"I got a girl and I love her but she broke too, and so am I, I can't take her to the place she wanna go to, so we argue and play fight, all day and night, makin' passionate love 'til the daylight, plus we about to get evicted, can't pay the rent, guess it's time to see who really is your friend... tell me your pregnant and I'm amazed, so many blessin's while we stressin', lookin' for them better dayz" - 2Pac

Here we go, post number one. Everyone has a reason for starting one of these things, so here is my reason; I am at a turning point in my life, a point in which I've never had to face. Ever since I was born, things were kind of predetermined with how my life was going to turn out. You go to preschool, middle school, high school, college, and then a job. I never wondered, "am I on the right track?" because that track was already laid out for me. Every parent wants their kids to take this route, because this track has been proven to give an opportunity for success; although, there are many that fall off this track within the journey. I am one of those that has fallen off, one of those trying to get back on track.

It happened to me when I was in college. It seems like most of the victims of derailment fall off during this time in their life. Our first time away from home, and our first time gaining responsibility that we've always wanted. That's why I always hear old timers tell me "college was the best time of my life," it's because of this new found responsibility. For me, it was too much to handle; I never managed my time, and all I wanted to do was hang out with the guys. All I wanted to do was chase girls, watch/play sports, do drugs, drink beer, and play video games. It was going to Morongo and doing coke all night, playing 5-10 no limit holdem and then wasting my spoils at Fatburger. It was rolling up a 9 paper joint using 3 and 1/4 sized zig zags, then playing Halo 2 all night, eyes redder than the Devil's dick. It was drinking Grey Goose Le'Orange without a chaser, then going to a frat party and getting so drunk, that you wake up with your pants off in a different location from where you started. It was just having fun. And it always was, it was some of the best times of my life. Until that one day, you get a letter in the mail, saying that you've been kicked out due to "academic ineligibility". It was that day, on January 3rd, 2008, I was brought back to Earth, and I realized that I had fallen off track. I remember it so clearly because I've never had to ask myself, "so what do I do now?" Up until that point, I had never asked myself that question, and since then, I've asked myself that question countless times.

And now here I am, about a year and a half later, at a point in my life which I have never faced. I'm on a path with too many forks in the road. Some of these paths lead to success, money, and all the other good things in life, while on the contrary, some of these other paths lead to unpaid bills, eviction, bad credit, and all the other things that fuck your life up and make it miserable. There is a possibility that within a year, I can become so successful and rich that it's almost unimaginable, but there is also a possibility that within a year, I can be even more broke, and so deep in a hole that I could be halfway to Timbuktu.

This blog will not always be so deep (at least I think it is, but maybe I'm just swimmin' in the kiddie pool). It will simply be my story, whats on my mind, and how my life will unfold in the next couple of years.

So stay tuned...